Of Life and Death Importance: The Continuing Saga

IMG_1848This year started like most years in recent memory. There was no big urge to make a new resolution to lose weight or be fit. I was happy where I was but I was slowly killing myself. In late January, I remember weighing myself because my clothes were getting a bit too snug and I wanted to pay more attention. I weighed 243lbs. That number, at the time, seemed so normal. Throughout most of my adulthood, I had weighed 230lbs or more. At one point, ten years ago, even peaking at about 265lbs. So 243 was a reasonable number to me. I was wearing XXL shirts and my pants were 40-42″ waste. Again, my whole adulthood I had vacillated between XL and XXL, between 38-42″ pants. It was just what I had accepted as normal.

I loved myself and I loved my physical container. There was no sense of “fat-shaming” or any such mentality. However when I learned, at the end of February, that my inactivity and bad decisions were putting me at severe risk of missing out on a long and happy life, it was time to love myself better than I had been. It was time to love myself to the best health possible. It was time to love myself into a very long and happy life.

When I posted about my journey in May, my doctor had recently just cleared me to get back to physical exercise. Since then, I’ve gotten back to an increasing regiment of weight training and running. I’ve trimmed down, toned up, and continued to lose weight – at a much slower rate but still losing. It’s been exciting and challenging and the time put in every day is always rewarding: physically, mentally, emotionally. This is, simply put, life from now on. This is it. But the good thing is that this is sustainable. I’m not doing anything so drastic that I’ll burn out and give up because of an unrealistic schedule. Not at all. This is easily something I can do for years to come.

My hope is that I’ve been doing this long enough that I’m now in a true habit of living. I don’t EVER want to go back to where I was before. I can’t. I spent over 20 years there. No more.

I’m still not where I want to be, but I’m so much closer. Like I said, at the beginning of the year I was at 243lbs, in XXL shirts and 42″ pants. This morning, I’m at 179lbs, I wear M sized shirts and I’m in 33″ pants. That’s almost 65lbs lost in 6 months…and I can’t even fathom the difference in body mass between XXL and M sized shirts. I literally feel like a different person. I am by no means happier, I’ve always been a pretty happy guy. However, I am so much more relaxed and comfortable. I can’t even express how much more comfortable I am.

My original goal, at the beginning of March was to IMG_1849get to 200lbs. I knew that was achievable, but there’s no way I would have imagined I could reach the 170s. No way.┬áThe key for me, all along, has been to set small, reachable goals. If I hadn’t have done that, I would have been so overwhelmed that it would have been easy to give up. But giving up is not an option. To give up would be a slow, languid suicide…and that’s just not going to happen.

Small, reachable goals. That’s where it’s at. That and a damn good playlist.